I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
