So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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