It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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