just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
