Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
