SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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