at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
