fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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