in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize