my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
