We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
