Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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