You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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