you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
50% drunk capacity currently
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
