i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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