she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
