Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
