I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
