I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
