i just wanna soil my oats bro
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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