you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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