She said her name was "party"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
