Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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