you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
