Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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