so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
