ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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