I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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