He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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