I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
