My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
