I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
