She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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