Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
