and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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