You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
