I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
