A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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