He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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