they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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