The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
