I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
