And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
