You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
