I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
