I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
