i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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