he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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