Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
