Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
