I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
