Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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