things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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