omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
