I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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