Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
