I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
