Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
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i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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