Old men and throwing up are my life now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
