I just pynch a tree in the face
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
