the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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