You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
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Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
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It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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