We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
