yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
