She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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