Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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