I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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