I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
