You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
