do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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